i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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