Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize