You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
