Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
