You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
