I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
