absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
