And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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