his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
