They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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