We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
