goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm drive I can fine osifer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
