Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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