its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize