My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
