wake up i wanna do it froggy style
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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