i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
