my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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