The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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