end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
