piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize