he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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