Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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