uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
honey bunches of taint.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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