this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
