dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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