I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
