In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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