Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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