At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
