know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
