i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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