i just google imaged poop.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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