Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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