I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
