K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
