I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
