I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
