the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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