i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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