The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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