Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
