I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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