I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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