we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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