Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
