We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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