Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
