Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
