FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
