of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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