Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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