Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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