I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
