so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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