so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So many bounce houses so little time
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
