he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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