ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
