a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
