We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
