I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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