I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
