omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
